My Beautiful Angel Crime and Punishment
by Remmy1
Summary: Sirius Knows he is inlove with someone to perfect and he tries to be a fit candidate for him. Will he prevail?
1. Default Chapter

My Beautiful Angel: Punishment. Sirius P.O.V I lay with my arm slung over my face, panting slightly. I feel a soft tremor in the ground as my best friend falls beside me. I tilt my head and take in the sight before me. He lays sprawled on the ground, his hair plastered to his face. Sweat leaking down his face slowly, only to pool in little dints over, his face. His chest rises and falls as he fights his battle with fatigue. The dawn sun peeks up over the horizon, bidding his hello to the world. I prop myself up onto my elbows and sigh, James is a creature of elegance and confidence. Something I could never be, he is refined, he lashes out in moments but he is always the gentleman. He is the one that everyone wants at the end of the day. Not some over aged prankster who has no hope and will never Paddy? A soft voice infiltrates my thoughts. I look up at him, his deep brown eyes filled with concern for me. salright Prongs. Moktired. He nods slowly, unconvinced. I begin to wonder if my face is betraying me. Come on. We have class.. I inform him. We stand slowly, our aching muscles screaming with protest as we force them into life again. James chuckles and pets my shoulder lightly. Nice morning for our run though. We picked a good day He nods towards the rising sun. Turning slightly, and not without a struggle I face the world and sigh. The sun now peeks openly over the treetops and bathes the castle and grounds with a soft gold. I am happy to stand here, but James is impatient to get to the showers. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ We stand now, allowing the heated water to relax out tense and tired muscles. I watch him as he sings softly under the spray. The walls that surround us come only to our mid backs. I watch as James moves to adjust the nozzle, his muscles rippling under taunt skin. I smile and reach over, swatting at him with soapy hands. He chuckles and lathers his hands up. Right. you wanna play Paddy? James smiles impishly as he reaches over and swats me with sudsy hands. Laughing I pull back and sigh. He is beautiful to me. But as I look down at my self-scarred body I wonder if I will ever be the same to him. Freshly dressed and prepared for todays classes we storm into the great hall. Peter and Remus are already here, Remus has his nose stuck in a book and only glances up once James and I are seated. Peter is stuffing food down his throat at an alarming rate. I Smile at my book worm mate and he raises a brow looking from me to James, then to my long sleeved robes and his face falls. I know he knows I have punished myself. I shrug nonchalantly and pick a piece of toast up. Busying myself with it I watch James, he settles down beside Peter and they instantly burst into a heated conversation about sports. His face is alight with passion as he delves deeper and deeper into the topic. Never once skipping a beat. He is so majestic. Sowords fail me here and I look away my eyes brimming with tears for the one who will never know my love and will never return it. Classes snailed by and all too late I find myself in the boys bathroom. The cubicle door locked and my privacy assured for the time being. I raise the blade and swiftly slice at my arm, gritting my teeth as the copper like liquid oozes down my arm to land thickly on the tiled floor. I am in such a haste to punish myself I hadnt even removed my bag, I slide down the door and crumple on the ground, breathing heavily as I swipe at my arm twice more. I hear the main door squeak open and I freeze. Paddy? You in here? I curse quietly as Remuss voice floats in. Mopping up my blood from the floor with a fist full of paper I open the door and smile weakly, my head swimming as I recover from the sudden movement. My arm is still leaking life-giving substance as I push past him and rush out the door. I know I shouldnt run from Remus, He understands why I do this. But I run from him anyway. Bursting into the common, I ignore the worried glances I receive from my classmates and friends. I take the stairs two at a time and barge into my dormitory. Lying on my bed I bandage my arm. He is beautiful. I whisper. And so are you I hear another voice return my statement. I turn myself around violently to glare at the person who has intruded on my thoughts. Only to find that it is my beautiful Angel. The one who could never do wrong by me. Ever. He moves slowly to my side, his movements like that of one trying not to scare an injured animal. I growl as he reaches for my arm. Paddy Remus told me He started and that was all it took. I flew out of the room and stood at the top of the stairs glaring down at a nervous Lupin. HOW DARE YOU! I bellow. Once again realizing this is not beautiful, and I make a mental note for punishment. Remus blinks up at me, his eyes narrow. Sirius you were killing yourself slowly, from both the inside and the out. He says in that all too well measured voice. It grates on my nerves and I lash out again verbally. WHO GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO TELL ANYONE ANYTHING? AFTER ALL I HAVE FUCKING DONE FOR YOU LUPINTHIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME? My chest heaves from the outburst and I feel my eyes prickle with unshed tears. I feel sobetrayed. I appreciate what you have done for me, as I know you will for what I have done for you. Once again in that well measured tone. This is too much for me to handle. I feel a soft and reassuring hand on my shoulder, I swivel around and shove the owner back against the wall. Gasping as I find myself face to face with James. My Angel. What have I done?. He looks up at me, a scared, yet almost hopeful expression on his face. The tears fall down his face and I shake violently at them. My mouth agape. The common room is silent now. Watching my little temper tantrum. James slowly moves to pry me from him and I release him, watching in horror as he slumps to the ground. Paddyno moreplease? His whimpers cut into my soul, making it bleed. I have made my Angel cry. I look around the room and see the awkward, accusing and scared stares I am receiving. I shake my head and flee the room once more. As I feel this is all I am good for. Punishment, and unreliability.  
  
I stand half-naked in my stall. The white tiled floor painted in my dirty, ugly blood. I watch as the scars on my arms and chest flow with the copper liquid. Smiling tearfully as the thick droplets pool and join their brothers and sisters on the floor. The room spins suddenly, gasping I fall to my knees, hoping this isnt the end. Knowing I havent felt enough pain to be cleansed so so i will be beautiful. Be beautiful enough for him. My Angel. I hear the door slam open and three angry voices scream my name. A soft spell is shouted and the cubicle door opens. I look up and See James, staring at me. His eyes large, his mouth twisted in disgust. I slide back through the thick pool of blood, hiding myself in the corner. Covering my face. DONT LOOK AT ME! I scream at him through my desperate sobs. I hear a soft laugh and I am stunned. This is amusing?! They find my pain amusing?! A dark warning growl erupts from my throat. It stops abruptly as a pair of strong arms envelope themselves around me. I am lifted off the floor.I look at my savior and find it to be my Angel. A weak smile graces my lips before I pass out.  
  
I come too and I am in the infirmary. Remus sits in one corner his nose, I smile at this, in a book. Peter is eyeing some medical utensils with a nervous passion, and JamesI pale even more as I see him sitting beside me, my hand clasped in his, his head bowed and shoulders shaking softly. I try to call to him, but it only comes out as a soft, tired grunt. But nevertheless serves it purpose and gets their attention. Jamess head snaps up, Peter nearly knocks the utensil tray over in surprise and Remus smiles slightly, never looking up. James moves over me and I sigh. He is still so beautiful, and after my actions. I know I will never be clean, and I will never be beautiful enough for him. His tears fall onto my face as he grasps it tightly. His depthless brown eyes gazing into my black ones. Fool He whispers. I smile and he smiles. Next I know we are all grinning like idiots. But not out of happiness. We are doing this because we are awkward. I had almost taken my own life, and their tired faces can tell me that much. He stands back and looks down at me. His face turning from that of concern, to that of anger. My heart plummets. PaddyI am your friend. But I turn my head away unable and unwilling to hear anymore. Peter leaves silently, his face set in determination as he tries to go unnoticed. But I notice him deserting me. And I dont care. Remus stands silently and walks to Jamess side. Sirius. I am Sorry. But Lily and I are engaged now. And even if we werent I stop his words by raising my bandaged hand. What ever James. I dont care anymore But my cracked voice gives me away. I am a fallen leaf now. Gusted away by autumn winds. Only ever a friend. I listen as Remus and James leave and I close my eyes. Not the end this time. I think as I drift off to sleep. Sirius closes the small leather journal. Its yellow and aged pages holding his triumphs, his failures. His life. He leans back and closes his eyes as the new tears fall. Not the end that time. But soon I will end it so I can finally be with my beautiful Angel. -Fin- 


	2. My Beautiful Angel End of the line

Disclaimer: I have done this alreadydo I really have to do it again? *Sighs * Fine. I dont own any of the characters. Someone else does. My name is NOT J.K Rowling and it certainly isnt Warner Bros. Dedication: Just like the first part of this fic. It is dedicated to my savior Army. Your such a great inspiration babe I dont know what Id do with out you! Beautiful Angel: End of the line. James P.O.V The icy dawn air bristles past me. I close my eyes and breathe it all in. My jogging partner pants with exhaustion as we round the last corner and collapse on the grass. I smile as i fall down after him. My eyes trained on the sky as i struggle to regain even breathing once more. The tiny Grey fingers of the dawn light leaps over my face as we lay panting. I tilt my head and blink as I find he is watching me. "Paddy?" I whisper. I see it in his eyes as he struggles to pull himself out of his thoughts. Grinning we stand and i sling my arm around his shoulders, i feel him tense under my touch, but i put it down as just sore muscles. I strike up some idle chatter about Quidditch as we walk, but he doesnt listen. He is back in his thoughts, his face shadowed in deep depression. Remus, Peter and I had been trying for months to pull him out of it. But we failed miserably. I know Remus knows what is going on behind Sirius's dark eyes, he is too smart not to know. Peter is clueless and is just bidding his time before leaving us for someone who can protect him better. I smile and nudge him, attracting his attention to something other than his morbid thoughts. "Isn't it nice?" I ask him. His eyes flick to the landscape. He almost smiles as he soaks in the stunning sight of dawn on the Hogwarts ground. He seems lost in that now. I grab his arm, impatient for a shower and to wind down before classes. He sighs and allows me to drag him along. We now stand in a steam filled shower room, swiping at each other with soapy hands. Chuckling we towel off and dress. Sirius looks at me, and I sense something is wrong. He mumbles that he needs to use the bathroom and darts off. I wait for him in silence and when he returns I grin. He knows what this means. We turn and run, Racing each other to the great hall. As usual Remus and Peter have already arrived. Remus is reading one of his schoolbooks avidly. And Peter is stuffing his face with food. I sit myself down beside him and smile. His eyes light up at this, and he abandons his face-stuffing. It takes us mere seconds to indulge ourselves heatedly into a verbal battle of Quidditch tactics. I feel Siriuss gaze on me as I talk. It makes my skin prickle and I feeldirty. Sighing I look up as the bell sounds. We groan and head off for our classes. As I sit in the sweltering potions dungeon I feel eyes on my back. It makes my skin crawl. I turn around and face my watcher although I know it is Sirius. I groan inwardly at this and offer him a goofy grin. When I turn around a small piece of parchment is on my desk. I open it and read the few neatly scrawled words. James, Meet me after Potions ok? We need to talk. -Moony I catch my friends eye and nod silently. The class winds down and the bell sounds. Neither Remus, Peter nor myself are surprised when Sirius packs his stuff and leaves without us. Sighing the three of us share a knowing glance. I know he does this because of me. And over the months I have just stopped caring. Lily and I are steady, and I love her. Sirius just needs to move on. I narrow my eyes and looks at Remus. You find him this time. Im going to have lunch with Lil. Slinging my backpack over my shoulder I exit the room. After a pleasant lunch with Lily I enter the common room. Peter snags me and we sit talking about various things. After awhile I tire of this and walk up to the dormitories. Lying on my bed I close my eyes, thinking maybe Ill catch some sleep before Quidditch practice. But the solitude doesnt last long as Sirius barges in and flings himself onto his bed. I roll my eyes. I dont know how much longer I can humor him. Standing I walk over to his bed and draw the curtains back. Sure enough, he sits, Bandaging his freshly scarred arm. I hear him whisper. He is Beautiful And counter it with a loose. But so are you He spins around glaring at me, the menacing look doesnt stay on his face for long as he realizes its me talking to him. I scream on the inside for him to grow up, but Instead I say slowly and dramatically. PaddyRemusHe told me And thats all it took. In seconds he was flying down stairs. I listen as he and Remus argue. Siriuss bellows loud enough to wake the long time dead and Remuss well thought out sentences making me smile. I walk out onto the landing. Everyone has dropped what he or she was doing, whether it is from curiosity or from shock I am unsure. I am scared now. Not for Siriuss wellbeing. But for Remuss. Black seems to be teetering on the edge of sanity. I sigh and place my hand as gently as I can on his shoulder, I will live to regret that move as he spins around and thrusts me up against the wall. The sudden jarring of my back brings tears to my eyes. He stares at me, his eyes filled with pain, panic, sorrow and unrequited love. I have the urge to push him away in disgust, but instead he drops me and I slump to the floor. The pain in my back stopping any kind of movement I may wish to make. He looks around him, taking in the staring shocked faces. And then as usual, he runs. I look up at Peter and Remus. My glare could kill now. Thats enough. I wont do this anymore My words ring out through the silent room as shove my self up and force myself out of the common room. Remus and Peter stay by my side now. We walk with a mission, as we enter the boys bathroom I bellow. SIRIUS I can hear a soft whimper and as we draw closer to the all too familiar stall, I gag. A thick pool of blood has gathered and is slowly leaking out under the door. Remus mutters a spell and flings the door open. And what I see before me, revolts me to no end. He sits cowering in the corner. Demanding I not look at him. I scowl and lift him up easily, he looks at me, I see the hope in his eyes before he blacks out. We sit in the infirmary. Blacks hand clutching mine. No doubt when he wakes he will think it be the opposite. Remus has taken to reading once more. I smile and chuckle as Peter discovers a pan of utensils. With a nervous sort of pride he walks up and inspects them. At every odd moment I say Watch out! And he jumps, I laugh and smile at him as he glares at me for taking three years off his life. I look down at Sirius as he lies there. I feel no pangs of sorrow. No hope. Just pure anger. His body bandaged so he looks like a newly wrapped present, I lower my head and allow myself to cry. I dont want to be here. I want to be outside, playing Quidditch, kissing Lily. Doing normal teenage things. Id give everything I own even to be in the library studying. But no, I glare at the stationary form of Sirius and think. No. You had to be selfish. I lower my head again and yawn, the movement shaking me slightly as I hadnt realized just how tired I really was. Remus speaks every once in awhile, which causes Peter to jump, and me to laugh. Sighing i lean back, I have the urge to end his life for him. But I bite it down. I feel a stirring and slight groan so I lift my head angrily. Sirius smiles at me, I thought so, he thinks Im holding his hand. I wrench it free and stand leaning over him. My tears of anger spilling out on his face. Fool I whisper. He smiles and I cant help an almost hysterical smile, and soon the for of us are smiling. For reasons I am unsure of. Peter, who has nearly up ended the tray, leaves silently. Remus moves to my side. Standing I walk to the end of the end and glare viciously at him. He sees my anger. PaddyI am your friendbut I sigh as he stubbornly turns away from me. I cant take it anymore and I feel something inside me snap. Lily and I are engaged now. And even if we werent He is arrogant enough to lift his hand to stop me, fine, I think, dont ever say I didnt try, I think irately. Remus grabs my hand and leads me to the door. Worried I might do something I will live to regret. But in the years to come, I think Ill look back on this moment and regret I didnt finish his botched job properly. Peter, Remus and I sit around the small fire in the common room.  
  
So what now? Think hell get better? Peter asks us. Remus looks at me. I dont care. He is my so-called-friend. A friend wouldnt do this. I hiss heatedly. Words fail me here. I can not express to them enough, how Sirius has angered me and pushed me close to the line. Remus pets my shoulder softly and nods knowingly. Sirius has tried us all in his foolish attempts. He used actions instead of words, and for almost costing me Lily. I will never forgive him for that. -Fin- 


End file.
